Mar. 24, 2013; Phoenix, AZ, USA: Brooklyn Nets center Brook Lopez celebrates a basket in the first half against the Phoenix Suns at the US Airways Center. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

If it seems like the least inspiring matchups are all out East, consider this: the Bulls won 4 games less than the Nets with a barrage of injuries close to as damaging as the Wolves sustained this year, and yet they still missed out on home-court advantage in the first round of the playoffs by 4 games.

Joakim Noah is going to miss more time with his bad foot. The Plantar Fasciitis Fun Police has been reaping their share of games this year, but Noah and the Bulls were complete idiots and earlier this season gave him minimal rest instead of shutting him down — you know, cuz that franchise point guard is still out will his knee injury from last Spring. So why not have your top 2 guys healthy next year instead of possibly ruining one of them? Because this is the state of mind the Bulls are in and when you’re paying big bucks you win now. Or something.

Nets probable starting lineup:

PG Deron Williams

SG Joe Johnson

SF Gerald Wallace

PF Who Cares

C Mr. Roboto

The Nets shelled out 10 million freaking dollars to retain the services of Kris Humphries and then started Reggie Evans at power forward for a huge chunk of the season. Nevermind the anemic rebounding numbers of Lopez — they’re actually really good this year, for him — the fact you’d spend Andrei Kirilenko money on Hump and then have to ditch him for a journeyman  rebounding specialist — Evans is a rebounding “specialist” in the same way a can opener is a special can opening tool — it’s the Russian reality in Brooklyn. The possibility they could win this series and call their season a success is hilarious. The best team money could be wasted on. The last-second pull-up jumpers of Joe Johnson will carry this team as long as iso-Joe can pry the ball from Williams before he jacks up his own.

Iso-Joe did have one of the more impressive highlights of the year, though.

We’ll give him that.

Bulls probable starting lineup:

PG Kirk Hinrich

SG Jimmy Butler

SF Luol Deng

PF Carlos Boozer

C Taj Gibson

Given Derrick Rose’s absence from this lineup all season, you have to tip your hat to the Bulls and Thommy Thibodeau phor maximizing the production from spare parts, Nate Robinson and Marco Belinelli, et al. The problem with the Bulls is where their money is going. Between Deng making 13 million (14 million next year), Boozer making 15 million (with 15 next year and 16 after that) and Gibson set for a raise from 2 to 7.5 and then 8 — what on Earth are the Bulls thinking letting Omer Asik walk? I like Deng and all, but Butler is proving to be quite the find in his 2nd year and should be resigned at a fraction — A FRACTION — of the price.

Maybe I’m being too hard on the Bulls with revisionist history, but the idea of a Noah, Gibson Asik frontline seems more palatable than a Boozer, Gibson, Nazr Mohammed frontline heading into battle against Lopez and Wallace.

Whatever, this series is going to be unwatchable for anyone not residing in Brooklyn. And even they will only be watching ironically.

Prediction: OMG, who cares? Brooklyn, I guess. In 7.

Let us list…

Both teams are without their starting point guards, and so both, having been forced into a more egalitarian offense without their dominant distributors, share the ball well — 22 assists per game for the Wolves, 25 for the Bulls.

Both teams so far this season are among the elite in points allowed — Wolves 4th at 90, Bulls 5th at 90.4.

Both are slightly above average at rebounding the ball — Wolves 13th at 42.8, Bulls 14th at 42.4.

The Bulls are slightly below average in points per game, ranked 17th at 96. The Wolves are 22nd in the league at 94.2

How important are defensive rankings when stacked against already anemic (offensive?) offensive output?

All this is a boring, stat-supported way to suggest these two teams have similar recipes for success: defend well, rebound well, and give the ball to the guy who has a shot.

Bulls probable starting lineup:

PG Kirk Hinrich

SG Richard Hamilton

SF Luol Deng

PF Carlos Boozer

C Joakim Noah

Boozer’s limitations have been on display all year and were brutally exposed in a 3-9 night Thursday against the Oklahoma City Thunder’s long and athletic Serge Ibaka. Mid-range jump shots (Noah, Boozer, Taj Gibson), movement off the ball (Deng, Hamilton), and spotty hero ball (Nate Robinson) seem to be the story for Chicago’s offense.

Wolves probable starting lineup:

PG Luke Ridnour

SG Chase Budinger

SF Andrei Kirilenko

PF Derrick Williams

C Nikola Pekovic

Whether the coaching staff is treating Roy’s knee pain with appropriate caution or it really is something more serious — Roy will be a game time decision as well as a season-long storyline. This is not really earth-shattering news, but let’s hope he’s ok.

Whether the Bulls use Boozer or Noah on Pek, Williams will have his hands full. His willingness to go to the rim paid dividends for his elbow jumper against Indiana. Pekovic, again, has an opportunity to wreak havoc.

The similar roles Taj Gibson and Dante Cunningham play for their teams are very similar — HA! — I mean, each supplies their respective team with superior defense, intensity and offensive continuity — and should dominate the 4th quarter playing time.

Bud vs Rip is going to be an exercise in off-ball movement.

My dark horse matchup is Robinson vs Shved — should Shved struggle, Malcolm Lee will have a chance to let his defense shine.

The matchup that will determine the game is AK47 vs Deng. Do-everything small forward powers collide in a battle of what is needed most? AK’s active hands, defense on Paul George, and patient passing provided the Wolves with enough savvy to pull out a nail biter Friday. His defense should be leaned on especially heavily against their leading scorer (18 points a game), Deng.