Oct 21, 2012; Indianapolis, IN, USA; Minnesota Lynx coach Cheryl Reeve reacts to a call during the game against the Indiana Fever during the WNBA Finals at Bankers Life Fieldhouse. Indiana defeated Minnesota 87-78. Mandatory Credit: Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports

Excellent road map to coping with the NBA Draft Lottery results as a Wolves fan over at Grantland. There are just so many ways to say something is awesome, so I’ll just say it is.

I have no time to do a rundown/prediction of the NBA Conference Finals, but I will say this: Lance Stephenson isn’t going to replicate his Game 6 performance against New York against anyone, much less an ailing Dwyane Wade. Tyler Mad Dog Hansbrough will get suspended for being himself. David West will be Indy’s most consistent performer and Roy Hibbert will play like Miami has nobody who can guard him. Both of them don’t really.

But it doesn’t matter because Miami scores off turnovers and Indy turns it over. Miami’s shooters will keep Indiana’s thuggishness in check. The way these playoffs have gone, bigs have held serve and as teams that depend on small ball have run out of ammunition in the slow, slog that is the postseason. But not this time. My prediction? Small ball for the win.

Joe Mande (@joemande) is a stand-up comedian and a writer for Parks and Recreation. He is awesome.

If you truly want to know what it feels like to root for the Minnesota Timberwolves, all you have to do is watch the NBA draft lottery. The lottery plays out the exact same way every year. The night starts off with a feeling of dread, as you recall the disappointing season that’s led to this moment: all the errant passes, the fluke injuries, the missed dunks. Then the ceremony begins — those stupid ping-pong balls start bouncing around in that dumb plastic bin — and no matter how hard you try to fight it, you can’t help but fantasize a little bit. You start to think maybe this is the year the Timberwolves’ luck changes. Maybe this is the year they jump up in the draft and get that missing piece they need. Maybe this is the year they reach their true potential. Then suddenly all those stupid ping-pong balls are taken out of that dumb bin, Cleveland is handed the no. 1 pick, Minnesota hasn’t moved up in the draft at all, and we’re back to feeling that familiar sense of dread.

It’s the five stages of lottery-related grief. Welcome to Minnesota.

Apr 12, 2013; Miami, FL, USA; Miami Heat small forward LeBron James (6) points during the second half against the Boston Celtics at American Airlines Arena. Mandatory Credit: Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

Wade, Bosh, Haslem and Norris Cole are the only players to average at least 15 minutes a game this year and shoot less than 40% from 3. Just for a bit of reference, the Wolves had one player who shot above 33%, J.J. Barea.

Miami is 28th in offensive rebounds but led the league in field goal percentage at 50% while taking the 6th most 3s in the league and shooting the crap out of them at 39.6% — good for 2nd behind Golden State.

In almost a complete contrast, The Milwaukee Bucks were 27th in the league in field goal percentage and 11th in 3-point attempts while being a hair above average at making them — 14th out of the 30 teams, at 36%. This shooting alone would spell doom for the 38-44 Bucks if they weren’t also tied for the league lead in offensive rebounds, tying the Denver Nuggets at 13 a game.

Heat probable starting lineup:

PG Mario Chalmers

SG Dwyane Wade

SF LeBron James

PF Udonis Haslem

C Chris Bosh

Chalmers shots over 40% from 3 this year. So did LeBron. Ray Allen shots over 42%. Shane Battier, 43%. Should Mike Miller deign it the correct time to hoist an attempt, he shot over 41% from 3. Even the Birdman, Chris Anderson made 2 of 3. It’s not hard to see how things work for Miami.

Bucks probable starting lineup:

PG Brandon Jennings

SG Monta Ellis

SF Mike Dunleavy

PF Ersan Ilyasova

C Larry Sa LARRY SANDERS!!!

It’s nice that Milwaukee gets to play a round of the playoffs. Maybe Jennings will show a hot streak of shooting and be the player he thinks he is for a quarter against Chalmers or Cole. Monta will flash some supreme athleticism and Golden State Warriors fans will get angry, but he’ll still be (maybe) the 2nd most athletic guy on the floor.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m glad Ilyasova made it to this season after Scott Skiles walked away. And LARRY F’ING SANDERS!!! is one of my favorite stories of this season. But, unless Milwaukee beats Miami at their own game with J.J. Redick and Dunleavy spreading the floor and Monta or Jennings drawing and kicking and the Bucks barrage of bigs, SANDERS, Samuel Dalembert, Ilyasova, John Henson and Gustavo Ayon — take it to Miami and kill them on the boards — the Heat would still have to suffer some sort of calamity to Wade (possible) or LeBron (not so likely) and at least 3 of the Heat shooters would have to forget what they do. It’s just too much for the Bucks — or anyone out East — to hope for.

Prediction: Heat in 4.