Eric Bledsoe Trade Rumors: (fake) Conversation between Wolves and Suns revealed
I recently found myself in an overwhelming state of boredom while surfin’ the net for NBA 2K15 player ratings, so to spice things up I decided to whip-up some Minnesota Timberwolves fake trades for Eric Bledsoe, based loosely on the ridiculous Eric Bledsoe trade rumors that have been out there of late.
Like shoving a T.V. dinner in the oven or a sleeved Hot Pocket in the microwave, these fake trades are easily thrown together and definitely bad for your health. But if you’re like me and you hold a special place in your heart for gas station burritos, well, then there might be something here for you.
I can promise you there’s nothing of substance within this article, so if you’re looking for meat and potatoes go to your mama’s house, ‘cuz this is just straight up nacho cheese entertainment right here.
As you probably already know, all great fake trades begin and end with a fake phone call. The best FT’s typically involve (fake) Joe Dumars and/or (fake) Isaiah Thomas, but here we’re going to have to settle for (fake) Flip Saunders giving a jingle to the (fake) 35 year old Suns’ GM Ryan McDonough.
This is the point where I should probably include some kind of disclaimer, right? Ah, screw it. Let’s do this.
THE FAKE TRADE CONVERSATION BETWEEN (FAKE) SAUNDERS AND (FAKE) MCDONOUGH
Ring…Ring…Ring (or maybe it’s a cool ringtone like the theme music from Kill Bill)
McDonough: Flip Saunders.
Flip: Hey, kiddo, can you put your daddy on the phone?
(Flip chuckles. Milt Newton can be heard snickering in the background)
McDonough: Shut up, Saunders. (beat) Whaddya want?
Flip: We want Bledsoe. We’ll pay him what he wants, and we’ve got some pieces we think you’ll like.
McDonough. I doubt that very much, but go ahead and shoot.
Flip: Alright McDonough, you can have—
FAKE TRADE #1: THE CON JOB
–Corey Brewer
–Chase Budinger
–J.J. Barea
(Pure and utter silence…)
Flip: Ryan? Ryan, are you there?
McDonough: Yeah, Flip, I’m here.
Flip: So you wanna make a deal?
McDonough: I’ve got a deal for you, Flip. How ‘bout I hang up the phone, and you don’t call back until you have a (fake) trade that’s worth my time. Sound good?
Flip: Alright, alright, I get it—no dice. Remember, McDonough, this is just a jumping off point. I’ve got some wiggle room from my end. Let’s try this instead. Let’s do—
FAKE TRADE #2: RETURN OF THE CON JOB
–Kevin Martin
–Shabazz Muhammad
–J.J. Barea
Flip: See McDonough, I even left Barea in the deal ‘cuz I believe in doing honest business.
McDonough: What do you think this is, Flip? You think just because we haven’t signed Bledsoe that we’re behind the eight-ball, right? You think that we have no leverage, right? Do you think I’m a sucker, Flip, is that what you think?
Flip: I haven’t said any of those things, McDonough. I think you’re a bright kid with–
McDonough: –Don’t call me a kid, Saunders! I’m 35 years old, damn it!
Flip: Okay, McDonough, calm down. (beat) I’ve got an idea. I didn’t want to do this, but clearly you need more. I think you’re going to be impressed with—
FAKE TRADE #3: THE REAL OFFER
–Nikola Pekovic
–J.J. Barea
Flip: You get four years at 48 million in Nikola Pekovic, and I even threw in Barea just to show we care about the Phoenix Suns’ organization from top to bottom. Pretty good, right? Right? Whaddya say, McDonough?
McDonough: No.
Flip: No?
McDonough: No, Flip. Just no.
Flip: Okay, well that’s all I got for ya—
McDonough: –I have an idea, Flip. Wanna hear it?
Flip: Yeah, what’s that?
McDonough: How ‘bout this: you can keep J.J. Barea, and we’ll take—
FAKE TRADE: THE COUNTER-PROPOSAL
–Ricky Rubio
–Andrew Wiggins
–Gorgui Dieng
(Once again there’s complete and utter silence)
McDonough: Flip? You there? Flip?
Flip: I can’t hear you, Ryan…There’s ah, something—
(Milt Newton leans into the phone and starts making strange noises)
Newton: –Kshhhhhhhh…krrrshhhh…kssshhhhh
Flip: Yeah, there’s something wrong with the connection.
McDonough: Flip? Flip?
Newton: Kshhhhh…kshhhhhh…
Flip: I can’t hear you, McDonough. I’ll have to call you back later.
McDonough: Do we have a deal, or what?
Newton: Ksshhhh…Krrrsshhh.
Flip: Later, McDonough. Later.
(The line goes dead.)
McDonough: Flip?
Ah, fake trades…
What do you think? Which Timberwolves players would you be willing to part with for Eric Bledsoe?